A common thing among all people, 'normal' people and those we think of as of having 'problems', is our ability to deal with stress and the emotions that accompany it. I want you think of your stress and emotions as being in a glass. As you visualize your glass, and that you are 'normal' (Of course, you are!), the glass will appear to be about 60% full. On any given day that you find yourself stressed, this glass may get up to 80%, 90%, even 99% full of stress and emotions. Think about what happens when you get even more stressed added? Just like that final drop of liquid that causes the glass to overflow, your emotions now overflow! Now, consider a person that has 'problems' and what their glass looks like. Their glass may be constantly running at 80%, 90%, or 95% full. What does that mean? It means that it takes very little to tip their glass and cause a person with 'problems' to react to stressful situations. And, the reason it seems as though they have a 'problem' in the first place is that they tend to react much quicker that what you or I might.
I'd like to share research with you that validates this comes from. The CIA and many other countries' informational gathering agencies rely on people's emotions to give them away when being interrogated. For instance, when a person is being interrogated, what environment do you usually think of them being in? Usually in solitude, with people who look threatening and intimidating, have a stern look on their face, and a threatening tone in their voice. There may be weapons and torture devices in plain sight. The person being questioned may have been deprived of food, water, and sleep. Loud heavy-metal music may have been blaring for several days. If you were to look at this person's glass, at what level do you think their emotions would be? Right at the top! If just one more drop of emotions is added, it will overflow. So, the interrogators know that when they ask questions, this person will reveal answers through body communication that they cannot conceal now. Why? Because the mind can't hold any more emotion and the body must relieve the mental stress through physical actions. It could be a twitch of an eye, a jerk of the arm, or a sudden movement at just the right time. Once the interrogators get an initial signal that they are close to getting the information they want, they pursue that path vigorously until they get it. The person only returns to operating normally at the emotional level when the stress is taken away.
How does this translate into day-to-day life for you and me? First, I want to share with you that I believe that people are innately good. They may have bad behaviors, but there is a good intent behind the bad behaviors. What does that mean? It means that I believe that people have 'bad' behavior because their 'glass' is continuously at the tipping point and, therefore, it takes very little for their emotions to take over and to create behaviors that seem out-of-place, inappropriate, or just plain 'bad'.
So, let's put this in the context of work. Let's say you have an employee that is underperforming and you haven't been able to find a solution. You spent money on training, you've coached them, and you've given them incentives, but nothing works. What you notice is that every time this person goes to perform work that is fundamental to their job, they start doing busy-work, they make up an excuse to leave, and they blame other people for why they can't perform, or a variety of other acts to deflect your attention from what the real reason is for them not performing well. These actions are no different from a person being interrogated being unable to stop that twitch of an eye, or other physical movements to relieve stress. They are acting out outward signs of inward emotions being processed. It can be for a variety of reasons that they feel stressed at work, but it is evidence that their glass is running at 90%, or more, full and they have a need to release their emotions. The stressors need to be taken away so that they can return to normal.
How about in the home? When a person that has people they love, studies have shown that they will face death and survive for others when they would have given in if the situation just involved them. Yet, why do people who come home to their loved ones after a long day of work and begin yelling at them for what may be a very inconsequential thing? Why would they verbally, mentally, and even physically abuse the ones they claim to love? In reality, they aren't acting out against the people that they love; they are acting out all the other stress they have allowed to build up in them. Once again, these people are running at 90% to 99.9% of emotional capacity. They feel as if they are in solitude, a bright, hot light is being shown directly on them, they feel threatened, and the 'music' in their head is playing loud, strong, and constantly over-and-over. The child that got a bad grade, the one that broke a lamp, the wife that damaged the car; and the husband that lost his job are only the drop of water that makes the glass spill over. They aren't bad people. The stressors just need to be taken away so that they can let their guard down and return to normal.
How can stress be taken away so that people can return to 'normal'? That's a great question! Have hope! People are finding a unique way every day!
Dr. Lewellen, at Transformative Thinking, has over 20 years of expanding the potential of corporations, religious organizations, not-for-profits, families and individuals. He is an expert in organizational alignment and motivation, organization and personal goal-setting, change management, and leadership. He is an expert in organizational alignment and motivation, organization and personal goal-setting, change management, leadership and staff development, and sales management.
